Off the Top of My Head
October 18. More of the same. See last week, the week before, and the week before. Except it's colder, but I'm tired of talking about the weather.
I humblebrag about procrastinating, but darn it, I'm good at it. Procrastination with explanations. Logical procrastination. Schedule-based procrastination. Senile mental-lapse procrastination. Medical-based procrastination with a slip from a doctor. Just flat out no excuses procrastination. I have two storage lockers full of procrastination-related items (many available for purchase).
But I may have met my match. How do I procrastinate over something that involves procrastination? That is, how do I put off procrastinating?
So many headlines, so many unread articles.
Things I'll never know, questions I'll never get answered.
A Texas teenager breaks two world records for longest legs. So how exactly do you go into training to compete? And two world records? I wonder if, like in boxing where there can be multiple champions, the two records can be held by two different people?
And now I'm wondering if I have a body part that might be record worthy. Maybe emptiest head.
Lady ambushes Target employee fiance, demands marriage on the spot. Uh, first of all, she's no lady. Second, I wonder what department they ended up getting hitched in? Frozen foods? Sporting goods? Stationery? Will the reception be held at the food court (popcorn and hot dogs) in the front of the store? And finally, I hope the couple was registered at Target. One stop convenience for guests who had neglected to get a gift beforehand.
Scientists think they've found a way to get your cat to pay attention to you. How do I get the cat to read the article? I'm presuming they're making a distinction between paying attention and actually getting the cat to do what you want. All the Nobel Prize-winning scientists put together can't figure the second part out.
And I cheated. I read that the solution was to practice slow blinking. I decided to give it a try, and I can't get the cat to look me in the (slow-blinking) eye.
So I'm not holding out much hope.
A BBC headline about
The Americans who almost always predict the President. Almost always? Way to hedge bets, BBC!
And a headline from Sports Illustratedthat shows the importance of doing a little proofreading after running the spell check:
Padres Out Fielder Tommy Pham Stabbed in Altercation, in 'Good Condition.'
Back on the bottle.
Back in the day in Europe and then the Americas, water was less than potable, and so people turned to alcohol to quench their thirst: – beer, wine, hard ciders. Now we're not talking Everclear or Bacardi 151. We're not even talking malt liquor strengths. Although there was a thriving market for strong liquors, most consumption was of small beers, wine, and ciders.
And consume it people did. All day. When I read what the Founding Fathers drank and when, I'm amazed they got any thinking done, much less wrote a constitution and founded a country.
But then, cities and countries began to build water systems that allowed for water purification. Part of America's greatness is that the vast majority of people can go into the kitchen and turn on a tap without fear of catching something.
Well, it turns out it might not quite be time to store away the ol' cider press. According to the EPA, the water supply of over 130 million (also known as 35% plus) Americans does not meet requirements of the Safe Drinking Water Act.
So Flint and Newark are not one-offs. They're poster children, the leading indicators of another growing problem.
The problems with monster movies.
No, not big, high-grossing films. I'm thinking here of movies featuring a lead of dinosaurs or other oversized creatures. I was watching The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, part of TCM's October horror offerings. It's standard Godzilla ripoff fare–creature awakened from sleep at the bottom of the ocean, finds big city, trashes it, hero figures out way to get rid of it, creature thrashes around and dies, relief all around.
There are two problems with watching a movie like this. First, at a certain point, the audience begins to feel sympathy with the big inarticulate lunk. After all, he's just fulfilling his essential nature. He didn't do anything wrong, and just doesn't understand why people are being mean to him. It doesn't help when the climax and killing take place someplace other than where the death and devastation and city-trashing occur.
But mostly, the problem is the death is so anti-climactic. We know it's going to happen. Beast is shot. Beast thrashes around (in this case inside and then in front of a burning roller coaster). Beast falls. Beast makes one final, valiant attempt to struggle to its feet. Beast fails, flops, and dies. But then, now what? No lessons learned, no flash forward to next year, No
hey, let's go get a beer, not even a
who's going to clean this mess up? All they do is roll credits.
Speaking of cinematic clean-ups.
I've mentioned before that part of my wife's wind-down-after-work routine includes watching old TV westerns like Cheyenne, Maverick, and Tales of Wells Fargo. Often, there will be an encounter on a road (or sometimes in a town) that includes gunfire, and usually a death or two. Many times, the survivors (also called the winner) are in a hurry, and leave a dead body or bodies, as well as guns, gunbelts, horse and saddle and other equipment at the scene of the confrontation. Sometimes someone will stop and bury the deceased, but sometimes not It makes the vultures happy, but who gets all that stuff? And what about the poor still-saddled and bridled horse? I feel really bad about it. Can horses eat with a bit in their mouth? I'm surprised archeologists and prospectors aren't turning up stuff all over the Old West.